The Bird! Birdy, Birdy, Birdy! El Burdmeister! The Birderino! Big Bird! He’s tall! He’s thin! He plays the violin! Birdo, Birdooooooo! You’re going home in a Birdo ambulance! You’re going home in a Birdo ambulance! He plays arco, he plays pizzicatooooo-woah-woah! That boy Andre Bird, means everyone else blows!

God, I love Andrew Bird. He is brilliant enough, beloved enough (by me) and well behaved enough to always have a place on this list. He’ll never align himself with some of the world’s most boneheaded white nationalists! He’ll never let me down by aggressively and continuously sexually assaulting his teenage fans!

YAY FOR THE BARE MINIMUM!