An Apology to Chappell Roan

Listen, I messed up.

‘The Rise and Fall of a Midwestern Princess‘ was one of the biggest and most talked about albums of 2024, even if it was originally released back in September 2023 and had songs on it that originally came out in early 2022. I was on it no earlier than The Normies, unfortunately, with their NPR Tiny Desk Concert in early 2024 probably being the first I’d heard of them (and initially, probably intentionally on their part, assuming that they were a man in drag). I was all ready to throw my hands up, admit to how lamely out of touch I was (on occasion!) and include it amongst the best albums of 2024 like I was some lamestream media mark like Time Out. I had initially placed it around 23rd, and it was only when I was planning my next piece after the Danny Brown review and listening to the album again that I realised “Shit, this album’s way better than this!”. I moved it to #15, but then I relistened to it again after writing my Magdalena Bay post that I realised “Shit, this album’s way better than even this!” I finally settled on it being number 6. However, I’m here to tell you that it’s now been removed from the list.

Firstly, let’s pretend that this was a moral decision made with completely thoughtful intentions. Maybe I just got a bit fucking sick of Chappell fucking Roan in twenty fucking twenty four? The singer born Kayleigh Rose Amstutz does seem to inspire a uniquely intense strain of parasocial feelings from their fans that really gets under my skin. So much so that Roan was moved to publicly complain about the ‘harassment’ and ‘bullying’ from ‘creepy fans’ that they’d experienced. Can’t I just say that Roan has been removed from the list because their fans are obvious freaks… and that Roan strikes me as pretty annoying…? Like, of course I can understand the strains and stresses of such a rapid rise to celebrity, but can you not be so arsey about it? Is that not enough of a reason? No? OK, then what about the fact that she’s the reason that Donald Trump won the election after they failed to endorse Kamala Harris?? No… That’s really dumb… The Democrats were going gung ho in supporting a genocide with a blank check, so Roan says “That’s really fucked up. I’ll vote for them, because democracy is dying in this country and I have no choice, but I’m not going to endorse that shit!” and somehow they’re the issue?? How about complaining that the Democrats are supporting a genocide, rather than complaining about the one’s mentioning that the Democrats are supporting a genocide?? Fuck you, liberals, your entire and only policy can’t be “Well, we’re not Donald Trump!” and still expect to win! Chappell said that they fucking hate you, but were still going to vote for you because there’s no other options in that stinking shitheap of a country of yours, which is the only ‘endorsement’ any right thinking person could ever give your elitist maintaining of the status quo joke of a party and exactly what you’ve been running on this past decade, so maybe leave fucking Chappell Roan out of this so they have time to complain about being recognised in public!!

So it’s not that…

OK, so what if I say that it’s the reaction in some quarters to Chappell Roan? What if I say it’s because the thousands of people acting as if Chappell is creating new, never before heard space music that has opened their eyes to the boundaries and possibilities of the art form? Because these people get on my tits: Chappell isn’t doing anything new at all. She’s not even really reviving anything from the past. In fact, when a lot of their songs come onto shuffle – especially My Kink Is Karma – it takes me a minute to realise that it’s not a Taylor Swift song. The whole record is essentially ‘1989′ by Taylor Swift with a better dress sense and being more honest about its homosexuality rather than Swift’s continued lie about their obvious sapphism.

Aw, shit. ‘The Rise and Fall of a Midwestern Princess‘ may not be doing anything new – I just compared it to a decade old Taylor freaking Swift album – but bah Gahd is it doing it well! The highs of this record are simply perfect pop anthems, and that will be reflected when many of them make the 2024 Legit Boss list. The reason this record hit so hard and so universally in 2024 is that it is literally undeniable. Sure, it was released in September 2023, but the Bronzed Chorus album was released in November of last year and Bella Technika’s dropped in February ’22! I generally don’t give a shit about that sort of thing! There is literally no good reason for this album not appearing on this list!!

However…

A few days ago…

I realised that I’d forgotten to place an album on my list. Meaning there were actually forty one albums in the countdown, not forty. This album I already knew was top three, I just hadn’t gone to the lengths of actually placing it on the list yet. So… I could either just continue and not include this major album, that at time of writing might be named number one, or some big changes to the list were needed. I initially toyed with the idea of having a 2.5/1.5 listing, but recognised that sucked. So, I looked into my top ten, realised that I had more reason to remove Chappell Roan and… They’re gone…

Listen, I don’t like it any more than you! But Chappell doesn’t need anything else written about them this year, let’s just keep her as an honourable mention and move on, OK?