We live in a troubling age
Falling leaves in an unearthly autumn light
Become the frame
And chip my curse away
Above the waves, you can still see where we drown
No looking down
Oblivion’s oblivion
So, let’s quickly get everyone up to speed. Don’t worry, we’re only going to go as far back as the Six Day War in 1967, but – who knows – perhaps we’ll talk about earlier events with similar players later in this list. In 1967 though, when we begin our tale, the Egyptian president Gamal Abdel Nasser had been handed information by the Soviet Union that Israel (hi there!) were gathering troops in preparation to invade Syria. Nasser phoned up the Israeli Prime Minister Levi Eshkol and was like “Hey, that’s our mate, can you not?” and Eshkol was like “We’re not even, bro!” so Nasser was like “Yeah right mate, I’m just going to expel all these United Nations Emergency Forces that are here to ensure our 1949 Armistice Agreements” and then Eshkol was like “Na-uuuuuuhhhh!!” but then Nasser was just like “Er, yeah-uh! And also, you can’t use our Strait of Tiran anymore” so that made Eshkol go all red and like scream “Dude! That’s where we get all our stuff from! And that would totally be an act of war!”. Then Nasser did it anyway, because YOLO. Israel bombed the fucking shit out of Egypt, taking the entire Senai Peninsula, plus Gaza as a little souvenir trinket, but I imagine that’s the last we’ll be hearing about that tiny strip of land. Israel warned King Hussein of Jordan not to enter the war, but they also bombed the shit out of Jordan’s airbases on the first day of the war. So Jordan gave troops to support Egypt and Israel bombed the shit out of Jordan, capturing the West Bank and ensuring Jerusalem was in Israel for the first time. The combined Arab country losses were around 15’000, Israel less than a thousand. Israel also killed 15 UN peacekeepers – coz Israel gonna Israel! – and 34 American soldiers, because they’re the only country allowed to do that apparently.
Oh, and around 413’000 Palestinians were of course expelled or killed in this process, but that’s barely worth mentioning. For Israel it was just Monday.
But this post is about Syria.
Oh, did I say that? This post is about Syria.
OK, yes, this post is eventually about elbow, but it’s hard to talk about one without the other, isn’t it?
Syria entered the Six Day War on day five. Which, mate, come on. The Six Day War wasn’t an ultra competitive, end to end match up where it was too close to call and a single moment of inspiration could make the difference – those wars last a hundred years, not six days. Syria watched its allies get absolutely PWNED for five days straight and still thought “Put me in coach, I can win this!”. The one day of war left before a ceasefire was signed still allowed Israel to capture Golan Heights from Syria. Thousands of Palestinians and Syrians were etc and so on. For Israel it was just Friday.
The Six Day Was was particularly embarrassing for Syria. Syria has entered the war because they actually believed reports from Egyptian media sources reporting that Israel was close to defeat, and rushed to join the pile-in despite their army being in no state to fight after a recent history of coups and purges. In his book on the war, David W. Lesch wrote that “One would be hard-pressed to find a military less prepared for war with a clearly superior foe”. The demoralised and confused Syrian army’s Benny Hill attempts to add some much needed light hearted moments to the war included troops ignoring orders to advance, lack of radio communications and tanks too wide to drive on bridges. Obviously most of the blame for this fell on the shoulders of Syria’s defense minister: Hafez al-Assad. Hafez, surprisingly, did not agree, and blamed the horrendous war attempts on the leader of the Syrian Regional Arab Socialist Ba’ath Party – and so at that point after the 1963 coup d’état, the leader of the country – Salah Jadid. Yeeeeeeeeeah, said everyone else in power in Syria at that point, nah Hafez this was obviously your fault, but an attempt to remove him from the Regional Command was defeated by one vote. In perhaps one of the 20th century’s most impactful and significant examples of failing upward though, just three years later Hafez had sparked another coup d’état in 1970 and installed himself as President. TLDR: he at least made sure there’d be less coup d’états on his watch. And his watch was a watch: only ending when he died in the year 2000. I’m not going to label him a good guy or a bad guy, class and economic conflicts were resolved and/or reframed, stuff happened.
And Hafez al-Assad’s Logan Roy was succeeded by Kendall: Bashar. Not the oldest son – Bassel al-Assad died in a car crash in 1994 – but definitely the most cringe. Bashar al-Assad inherited all of his father’s infrastructures, but had less than 1% of the charisma and leadership, so failed to win any widespread support and ended up spending his entire time in office violently crushing opponents to his rule. He also decided to liberalise the economy, which had the same effect it always does and just hypersped inequalities. His time as leader began almost immediately with The Damascus Spring, and made it to the Arab Spring in 2014* and then still manage to hang on for another decade! Guy got double Springed and still stayed in charge! However, in the last week or so the Assad regime was finally topped by the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) offshoot political organisation Hay’at Tahrir al-Sham (HTS), lead by one of the FBI’s most wanted terrorists dedicated freedom fighter Abu Mohammad al-Julani.
(*leading to a civil war that’s still ongoing and has so far claimed 617,910 deaths, most of whom were civilians)
I’m not going to be as diplomatic about Bassel al-Assad as I was his father: he was a fucking dreadful head of state. Firstly, his liberalisation of the economy of a country that once claimed to be Socialist just localised all the countries profits in the hands of nepo babies and elite oligarchs, which is something I could never imagine happening in my own country. And the repression turned brutal under his regime, as his government flamed up sectarian rivalries in cynical ploys to gain support. Which, again, I couldn’t imagine etc and so on. But – as the country is likely stripped for parts as it is eventually taken over by an Islamic Fundamentalist group after the already decade long civil war manages to grow even more horrific – it’s important to take a step back and consider what the Al-Assad/Ba’athist regime(s) in Syria stood for. Bassel fucked it up as only a true failson could, but the Syrian republic was supposed to be a unified secular state in the Middle East. It’s worth remembering that many of the biggest (and most violent) opponents to the Al-Assads were far right Islamist groups that opposed the progressive secularisation of the country. This is a country that’s been fucked over by Bassel al-Assad*, yes, but also fucked over by groups like ISIS**, fucked over by imperialist forces**, and fucked over by a decade of economic sanctions that have left the country impoverished and desperate. The country – which is already producing a hideous amount of refugees – will become Afghanistan within a decade or two. Especially after the imperialist forces sweep in to liberate any resources that the country might have.
(*David Cameron, 2013: “Aaaaaw, I wanna bomb Syria so bad! Can we bomb Bassel al-Assad, please?? [COMMONS VOTE: NO]
**David Cameron, 2015: “Awwww, you guys! I still really wanna bomb Syria! How about if we bomb the people fighting against Bassel al-Assad?? Pwetty-pwease?!” [COMMONS VOTE: AYE, G’WON THEN]
***see above)
And that colonialist robbery has already begun. Immediately after the regime’s fall, the gross, sweaty fat face of imperially tolerated fascism himself, Benjamin “Articles 18 and 19 of the Rome Statute” Netanyahu (again, trying to be as diplomatic as possible) has already gleefully ordered tanks invade Syria through Golan Heights (‘member that?). Remember, Israel’s future is to expand into Damascus. The United States – who never like to miss a bombing campaign – has been bombing the shit out of parts of the country since the regime collapsed, making sure that it gets a sneak preview of the desolate wasteland its about to become. Fucking Turkey’s getting in on the action, bombing a load of Kurds, which is Turkey’s second favourite thing to do after genocide dismissal. And Britain? Britain are just being dicks, as usual. Sir fucking Keir fucking Starmer, the beige face of imperialist realism, the stubbed toe in a white shirt who has never left a tip because he believes it “incentivises laziness”, the AI generation of a boring Tory uncle whose overwhelming blandness is the only reason he’s not been Spencer Percevalled yet, the guy who praised the RAF for flying spy planes over Gaza to help Israel more efficiently ethnically cleanse the population. They’ve also cancelled a lot of Syrian asylum interviews, likely to soon follow other European countries in pausing all Syrian asylum claims while the situation “resolves itself”. Absolute bullshit.
Of course the Syrians should celebrate Assad’s downfall, as so many of them were victims of Bassel al-Assad horrendous rule. But it’s about to become a lot worse once the imperialist powers like USA/Israel take the opportunity to cynically destroy what they can in order to grasp more territory, more resources, more Lebensraum.
You know who we should all celebrate with far less caveats…?
Nailed it…
Are elbow the most underrated British band of the 21st century? Or at least the most undervalued?
Wait… least rated…? Least most overvalued…?
‘AUDIO VERTIGO’ is their tenth album, and listening to it will make you shake your head. This is a motherfucking astonishing band, still operating at the peak of their powers and coming out with perhaps their most experimental and ambitious sounding record yet as their back catalogue moves into double figures. The record is generally jazz infused, but is backed by an astonishingly propulsive rhythmic section apparently bringing in influences from Africa and South America. And on top of all this is Guy Garvey, one of their generations greatest ever lyricists (Nicky Wire was already rhyming ‘refugees’ with ‘just like me’ on his first sole credited album) on incredible form. With a “You were the B of the bang of the binge/’Til I split for a tryst with a rust belt girl with a Plantagenet fringe” here and a “I woke up thinking about the knife fight/I saw in Istanbul/The fellas left together laughing and bleeding/Oh, and the moon was full” there, Garvey can write lyrics that are at one point witty (witty, Ms. Whack, WITTY!), the next irreverent, and the next devastating. The talented cunt is also blessed enough, unlike many of rock music’s great lyricists, to have an astonishing singing voice which they are never afraid to experiment with.
Of course, I’ll live to ninety-six and fix the welfare state
I’ll build a house with these two hands, my face above the gate
I haven’t paid for cabs or beers or met a cunt in twenty years
Like all that outrun poverty, all I have was coming to me
Only 19th though… I kinda wanted to put it higher… much higher… But… Nah, I can’t.
It’s fucking elbow, man! Some old Northerners! It is not cool to name them as one of the albums of the year. I really wanted to name their (even more incredible) 2019 album number one in 2019, but… I just couldn’t….
Maybe it’s the consistency, the fuckers are in and off this list like they keep breaking some restraining order and have to be repeatedly ordered to stay no less than 100 places away from the chart. Number fucking two in 2008! Yay! Then there wasn’t a list in 2011 when they released their next album, but I can officially declare it ‘meh’ here. Then –zooom! – back in the charts at number fifteen on 2005!! They’re BACK! BACK! BACK! And Charge?? Be still my throbbing erection. Then their 2017 album stunk so it didn’t make the list. Yeah, that band are over, man, it was great while it lasted but… Oi oi! Who’s this at number freaking three in 2019!! Their second top three record?? I can’t be bothered checking, but not many artists have done that have they?? Are elbow the most underrated British band of the 21st century? Or at least the most undervalued? Wait… least rated…? Least most overvalued…? Never mind, their 2021 album was so average that it didn’t make the list either. This is no way to live, elbow!
Much like, you could say, the people of Syria.
Pulled it all back at the end there.
#Journalism
2014 #15
2008 #2
Album Title as AI Image
Dude, that fucking rocks!
Necessary Evil 
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