Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck a big part of me wanted to put this at #1.
Did I enjoy any other record in 2023 as much as ‘Blondshell’? Probably not. Did I listen to any other album in 2023 more than I did Sabrina Teitelbaum’s debut? I’m guessing ‘no’. Can I sing any other 2023 record back to back like I can this one? Absolutely not. Do I sometimes catch myself wandering around the house and muttering killer lines like “I think my kink is when you tell me that you think I’m pretty” under my breath? You can’t prove that, but yes. Does Teitalbaum simply rock harder than any other rock rocks in 2023? In years? Affirmative. Is it my favourite album of 2023?? Mate, probably…
Because ‘Blondshell’ is an absolute fucking marvel. An admirably tight thirty three minutes of nine simply peerless, hook-laden gems. These songs are done. They’re perfect. They’re tiny little portions of God that we should feel blessed were captured. Teitelbaum transforms the suckiest parts of young adulthood into transcendent bursts of validation that manage to decry the trash they’re surrounded by while at the same time questioning why a person would surround themselves with so much trash in the first place. Sure, “He wears a front facing cap/The sex is almost always bad“, but to leave them would be effort, right? “What if I’m down to let this kill me?”. Blondshell often narrates the relationship fatigue version of Mark Fisher’s ‘Capitalist Realism‘: sure, they know this sucks, but maybe there just isn’t any other way?? Well, give yourself time to consider that while you’re “Two people from the bottom of the bin/Bin/Bin“.
Nine songs. Nine songs. Nine perfect songs. The talent to be able to create these little strikes of heaven is one thing, but to then have the confidence to just say “No. That’s the album” is another. Ten tracks, Sabrina? No. Nine. That’s the album. Are you sure? I mean, we’ve got Cartoon Earthquakes right here and… No. Nine tracks. That’s the fucking album. You fucking cunt. Sorry, I seemed to have made Sabrina a little bit coarse there at the end, I do apologise. They probably don’t use the C word as liberally as I do. They’re American, so probably think the C word is more offensive than privatised healthcare. I don’t know, maybe cutting the album down so perfectly was easy. There are maybe a few dozen people on Earth who know the feeling of creating nine perfect little works of art like this. Like, yeah, yeah, childbirth is God’s special gift of blood and shit, but can you imagine having nine babies are they’re all good?? Like, when have you ever met three siblings where at least one of them isn’t an absolute lemon??
And that’s what ‘Blondshell’ is. Nine perfect, anthemic, smart, funny, intense, gorgeous pieces of musical brilliance.
So why isn’t it #1?
Because, mate, I just can’t. This album is fucking shameless. It’s ‘inspired’ to early 90’s alt-rock in the same ways that Melania Trump was ‘inspired’ by Michelle Obama. All of its tricks, its guitar lines, its song structures, its vibe is transported wholesale from Hole, The Cranberries, Suede, Blur, Nirvana, and countless other examples of quiet/loud, jangly/angst, indie/alt rock largely from the Bill Clinton era. I’ve already covered PJ Harvey on this year’s list and remarked how far they’ve evolved since their 1992 debut. Well, turns out that’s not a problem, because other artists are happy to still be doing 1992 PJ Harvey! Blondshell are open about their influences, and the reason this album ranks so high is that they do these songs so fucking well – this would absolutely be the best album of 1992! I’m not for a moment suggesting there’s even a hint of plagiarism here (though if Hbomber Guy announced that their next video would be about Teitelbaum I might start sweating), just that the influences are striking, the strings are showing, and ‘Blondshell’ is by far and away the least modern and most archaic sounding record on 2023’s list.
But it’s so fucking good though! So, so, so, so, so, so, so fucking good. But it’s good like methamphetamine is good. It makes me feel great it makes me love the world and love myself to a bigger and more intense degree, and I would do it all day every day if I could. But it’s probably not good for me. I always say that this blog is a showcase for musical art that embraces the new, that charts exciting and brave new worlds, music that isn’t blind to past achievements in the art form, but aims to build on that rather than recreate it.
Blondshell has released one of the greatest early 90s rock records I’ve ever heard. But these are the best albums of 2023.
Necessary Evil 
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