The Biggest Moment of 2023

I hate this idea that you’re the best. Because you’re not. I’m the best. I’m the best in the world. There’s one thing you’re better at than I am and that’s kissing ass…

I am the best wrestler in the world. I’ve been the best ever since day one when I walked into this company. And I’ve been vilified and hated since that day.

CM Punk’s ‘Pipe Bomb’ promo, 27/06/2011

I thought I’d already written the final eulogy on CM Punk’s wresting career. His firebombing of goodwill and petulant kicking of the pricks surrounding his cot in the aftermath of All Out 2022 sounded the death knell of his comeback to the ring. Surely now, he had burned too many bridges, shown himself to just be too unstable a livewire, for any federation to continue to employ him, and likely for many major wrestlers to want to work with him.

So I look at it like this: November 13th 2022, Punk left this blog.

November 18th 2023? He’s back

Alright, so perhaps you could argue whether this qualifies as the biggest moment of 2023. There’s one story in particular that you’re probably immediately thinking deserves to be thought of as more important, but I’m here to tell you that you’re wrong. Sure, I hear you, I know that right now the cultural and political impact of ‘Skibidi Toilet’ may seem unparalleled, but I’m arguing that the (latest) CM Punk departure will have far longer lasting significance. Third place is, I dunno, the continued atrocities of the Israeli state or something.

Sure, at the All Out 2023 press conference Punk may have publicly lacerated some of the biggest names in the company, opened up rifts that might have never been repaired, and gone off script so spectacularly and so unprofessionally that it was difficult to see anyone risking promoting him again. Oh, and then followed that with a fight backstage with some of the same wrestlers he’d Dresdenned, making it also less likely he’d be considered a safe part of any promotion’s dressing room. But at the same time: guy was money. Both in the by no means dated Vince Vaughn sense, and in the actual, real, literal, ching-ching-dolla-dolla sense. Guy is a draw. Guy makes companies bank. AEW had a new TV show to promote and Punk is, some will tell you, “One Bil Phil”.

2023 started quietly for One Bil Phil though, as he lay low following his suspension (and supposed firing… surely…?) and injury at “Brawl Out” in late 2022. The most notable events of January 2023 were Punk’s pointed Instagram posts showing how he was the first and sixth best selling action figure of 2022, and that he was the most watched AEW YouTube video. And also top WWE star (and really irritating individual, but that’s aside the point) Seth Rollins literally called Punk a “cancer” when asked about the potential of a WWE return, so that’s the last we’ll hear of that possibility, surely?

In February, remarks from Wrestling Observer’s ‘Shagger’ Dave Meltzer – the most important and legitimate voice in wrestling reporting – suggested that Punk might even return to AEW, though with the caveat that – with the biggest understatement since the 1979 Iran hostage crisis was described as a “Guaranteed two star review at most on TripAdvisor” by one of the hostages – “that would open up a lot of issues”. This lead to no less a source than fucking Forbes declaring that “CM Punk’s AEW Return Is A Terrifying Possibility Reeking Of Desperation“. In March there was some more good ol’ fashioned ‘Punk lashed out on Instagram‘, including the truly astonishing claim that he had never seen a Rocky movie, which is actually the biggest news of 2023 that I’m referring to. Guy’s 45 years old! Things started to look a bit ‘Gazza visits Raoul Moat with a chicken and a fishing rod‘, as Punk just turned up backstage at a WWE Monday Night Raw taping. He apparently spoke to a few WWE wrestlers, exchanged words with CEO Paul Lavesque (who Punk had rarely had kind words for when he wrestled as HHH), and apologised to Mike ‘The Miz’ Mizanin for some light joshing of him on Twitter a few years back (see below), and then he was asked to leave after about 20 minutes. There were also confirmations of AEW’s new Saturday night show, and rumours that Punk’s return was a big part of getting the TV deal. If he isn’t ‘One Bil Phil’, SE Scoops still refer to him as ‘AEW’s $52 Million Man’“. Deadspin use the wonderful terminology that CM Punk was “gaslighting” his way back to AEW. By May, it was widely accepted that Punk would re-debut for AEW at the 17th June first episode of Collision, though with the talks on the role of Punk’s friend and backstage scuffle tag team partner Ace Steel delaying any confirmation lead to Forbes (obviously a noted professional wrestling dirt sheet) declaring that “CM Punk’s AEW Collision Drama Is Another Huge Red Flag For Tony Khan”. The show was eventually announced for Chicago, Punk’s hometown* where he had always been received as a returning hero, whatever the circumstance.

(*kinda… From a place called Lockport, which apparently most people in Chicago don’t consider to be a part of)

Then, in June, it happened. Punk came to the ring with his boots around his neck and carrying a bag that presumably carried the AEW championship belt he won in his last match and hadn’t been defeated, since as the title was suspended when he was. He cut a promo that was full of remorse as he asked the fans in attendance for forgiveness, thanking the rest of the locker room for him being given the chance to wrestle again.

Nah, come on, of course he just spit venom and basically called everyone else a bitch. And it was spectacular.

I don’t know if you guys heard, but I’m tired of being nice.

Gone ten months with a ruptured triceps tendon. Tore it straight off the bone. But I’m still here. And as long as I am, this is the professional wrestling business. It’s a business of grown-ups, this has never been a popularity contest. We all know I probably would have lost that one a long time ago.

So tonight we’re going to have a little conversation about the future, but first I’d like to have a little conversation about my past, which I don’t think is chequered. If you would have told 15 year old me that you’re gonna sell out the Budokan, that you’re going to sell out Madison Square Garden, that you’re gonna sell out – multiple times over – every single building in Chicago with a roof, well I’m not sure little Punker would’ve believed you. It’s because he didn’t get to experience what present me, standing in front of all you crazy bastards, has experienced.

I’m tired of being nice! Tell me when I’m telling lies!

I did all these things, and I got here to this place, riding a wave, riding the backs of smart, passionate professional wrestling fans like you. And, oh gosh, I’ve never fit in somewhere more in my entire life than I have here in professional wrestling. I love you for it! I love you because you love me! And you love me because I have never compromised. I’ve been unapologetic my entire career. I am me. And I couldn’t have done all of this without all of you.

But it seems there are some people who hate me for the same reasons that you all love me. Hey listen, I understand that the sheer magnitude of me makes people uncomfortable, I very much understand that my mere presence makes people uncomfortable. That’s because I am the truth, and the truth is painful.

[Crowd start chanting “Fuck the Elite“]

This sign right here says “CM Punk is my hero”, you can call me that. This sign here says “Pepsi Phil”, you can call me that. This sign here says “CM Junk”, you can call me that. Boo me. Cheer me. Love me. Hate me. You all do it, ’cause you know I’m right. You can call me whatever you want. You know what David Zaslav calls me? One Bil Phil. That’s because I am the one true genuine article in a business full of counterfeit bucks.

[Crowd, including young Alex at home, goes fucking apeshit]

The king is back, baby.

And I do have a lot of things to get off my chest. I got a question, Chicago, then I’ll get out of your hair: Why would I change? This is what Joe Strummer trained me for, I will always speak truth to power, I will always be myself, I will never compromise. And there is the people that think they’re owed an apology. I’ve grown older and wiser in my years, sometimes it’s better to be the bigger man. If you feel, you’re here today and I owe you an apology here it is: I am sorry. That the only people softer than you are the wrestlers you like.

[Crowd, including young Alex at home, goes fucking apeshit]

Tell me when I’m telling lies!

The last time you saw me, with my triceps meat hanging down, I held what’s in this bag above my head. And it’s not because I deserve it, it’s mine because I earned it! And it’s not mine because I had ‘the best dog collar match’, it’s mine because I won the dog collar match! Tell me when I’m telling lies! This belongs to me until someone can pin me or submit me for it. And there are those of you who I’m sure were praying to whatever God you believe in that I’m gonna put these [the boots in his hand] down here in the ring and walk into the sunset never to be seen again. But until there is somebody is this company that can fill these boots, they belong on my feet!

Tell me! When I’m telling lies!

[literal mic drop]

CM Punk, Collision 17/06/2023

The prodigal son had returned. For roughly two and a half months. Then, as I’ve previously outlined in (one of) my All In 2023 review(s), he choked a wrestler and was eventually fired ‘with cause’. To quote Jonathan Snowden’s Hybrid Shoot: “In a world full of angry middle-aged white men, upset about things not going their way every second of every hour, Punk’s violent temper-tantrums suddenly seemed a little less cute to all but the most terminally online”. It seems fitting that a name and a talent of the self-professed ‘magnitude’ of CM Punk wouldn’t just get fired, he would get fired for physically assaulting a colleague backstage before immediately walking out in front of 80’000 people with a smirk on his face like he knew he’d just been a very naughty boy.

Maybe it was never going to work at AEW. Maybe the two firings in a year show that? There are about a hundred thousand words used to describe Phil Brooks, words that often directly contradict other ones used by the other side of the huge CM Punk Culture War schism. But there are a few adjectives that most people will agree on. CM Punk is an angry man. He is a brash man. And he is a man who isn’t likely to forget any perceived slight for a very long time. The fact is that these aren’t really words associated with AEW. All Elite Wrestling is often spoken about by the critics as ‘All Friends Wrestling’. Well, at least it was… The name is meant to ridicule the company as just a bunch of mates from the wrestling indies that got together to form a company that would employ all their other mates and treat them like princesses. But it’s not entirely without merit: AEW kinda is the ‘friendly’ company, one that was supposed to be a haven from the cesspool that Vince McMahon’s monopoly had seemingly been set on turning the business into for the past near two decades. The one whose fans boo the heel wrestlers more out of learned admiration at how well they’ve been presented as a bad guy and knowing that sometimes boos are the best way of appreciating a worker’s craft, rather than any real hatred. Part of AEW’s appeal was that fans could justify watching a company generally populated by decent folk who get along with the other decent folk backstage. And that these decent folk are in a non exploitative work environment that puts the wrestler’s health – both mental and physical – as the paramount importance. They’re also not a crowd that necessarily has favourites. Sure, naturally the wrestlers that are given titles are generally the ones that elicit the biggest reactions*, and they are always going to be wrestlers that are more over with the crowd. But an AEW fan is at the end of the day first of all a fan of the promotion itself/ An AEW fan is an AEW fan. So they kind of want every wrestler to do well, for every face to be as over as Steve Austin in 98 and every heel to be as hated as Gorgeous George was in 1949. They don’t force it though, it’s important to note. Sustained crowd reactions in wrestling are impossible to fake – wrestlers and angles are sometimes complete flops in AEW just like they are in every other company. Instead, AEW fans are always willing the company on to give them something worth reacting to. The fans love to look upon AEW as a company where every single wrestler is on the same level: one hot angle or gimmick change away from being a star (or, conversely, just a run of bad booking away from falling into apathy). CM Punk thought they were his fans, so when he caused a real rift with The Elite they would all come to his defence. But these were fans of AEW, and Punk just seemed like an outsider trying to break up their friend group.

(*in comparisons to WWE’s booking style, where the wrestlers given titles were generally the ones who elicit the John Cena it’s John Cena, lol, you’re getting John Cena and you’re going to John Cena like it you John Cena bunch of John Cena sweaty fucking John Cena marks John Cena.)

The thing is, before AEW all these AEW fans were Punk fans. Back in 2011 he truly became the ‘Voice of the Voiceless’ when he became the one wrestler on the monopolistic WWE roster to speak out against the countless wrongs and errors of the very company he was wrestling on. And then… he was gone. Not just from WWE, but from wrestling altogether. From all contact sports, in fact. He may have technically had a UFC career, but he was beaten in seconds every time without even barely moving, which must have been Punk’s 4D chess way of still protesting the way he was treated in WWE. He left WWE in 2014 but his spirit remained. Chants of “CM Punk” would be heard at WWE arenas loudly and regularly for years after him leaving the company. Well, until around October 2019 at least, when they quieted down for some reason. He became the byword for disproval, for discontent, for showing that you fucking hated this product that you were still cursed with having to watch! Because, if you were a wrestling fan between 2001 and 2019, you generally had to watch WWE. Sure, there were the biggest indies like Ring of Honor, or the groundbreaking things coming from Japan or Mexico, but despite the clear superiority of these companies they remained a niche that was difficult to watch for the vast majority of WWE’s reign of terror. Or I guess you could go and watch the really small shows at your nearest school gymnasium, but watching fat call centre employees spend their Saturdays popping their eyeballs by smashing lightbulbs into their face just isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. Or you could watch TNA…

…

…

…

…but for the vast majority of the world, you watched WWE. And you hated it. But it didn’t matter to WWE, because they had no competition. You’d just be fed whatever the marketing department had chosen to cook. So you’d chant “CM Punk”. It would have been these same ‘CM Punk’ fans that booed John Cena and Roman Reigns for a decade and a half. They hated these wrestlers. WWE didn’t care, and pushed them to beat everyone anyway. “CM Punk! CM Punk!” It was the ‘CM Punk’ fans that hijacked WWE’s plans for Wrestlemania 30, basically conducting one long, loud protest until Daniel Bryan was winning the title in the headline match (something that Bryan/Danielson himself says only happened because CM Punk left the company in the run-up to the show). “CM Punk! CM Punk!” It was chanted by fans who started watching after Punk retired. It didn’t matter. His very name became a byword for we deserve better than this!

The thing is… these ‘CM Punk’ fans actually got something better. In October 2019. It was called All Elite Wrestling and it genuinely was the infinitely better wrestling programme that people who carried the debilitating disease of being a wrestling fan wanted. And it was infinitely better. For a while. Story for another time. I often see the take that CM Punk was the one who ‘planted the seeds’ for AEW, or that he was somehow partway responsible for its inception. This is ridiculously oversimplified – the Young Bucks’ proving a successful career in wrestling outside of WWE was possible; Ring of Honor being AEW without cash for years; the increased attention gained by New Japan Pro Wrestling especially its work with Kenny Omega and Chris Jericho; and many others would like a word – but there is a grain of truth. Punk didn’t awaken fan discontent in WWE, he just personified it. And when fans were chanting his name in protest, AEW was the federation they were picturing. And in AEW, fans didn’t need that Punk. They were quite happy with the company, thank you very much. And Punk himself wasn’t that Punk. He wasn’t the scrappy underdog calling out The Man. He was the superstar, a bigger name than everyone else in the company by several furlongs. He was The Rock returning for a big payday. When Punk beat Hangman Adam Page for the title only nine moths after debuting for the company, some fans started to feel similarly to how they did when The Rock ended Punk’s own record WWE title run in 2013.

AEW is about the good things. CM Punk is a noted prick. Good riddance.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

Except, no. I can’t help but miss him. And would take him back tomorrow.

Listen, I’ve listed the facts. I’ve explained why by all logical definitions Punk probably never should have worked in AEW, and to be honest keeping him away from all human contact is probably a good idea. This is the literal truth.

Now for my emotional truth.

Punk’s fame, his notoriety, didn’t just from arise from the fact that he’s a right arsey prick (ocassionally against the correct people). He’s a great wrestler.

No, sorry, I’m underselling that, in 2023 you can watch roughly a dozen hours of high end professional wrestlers and witness maybe one hundred different ‘great’ wrestlers. Punk is an astonishingly good wrestler. He’s a generationally good wrestler/ Punk is probably the greatest professional wrestler I’ve ever seen. And I’ve seen Beaver Cleavage*.

(*he was in the alley behind Tesco with a bottle of Blue Nun, screaming something about paedophiles. He’s lost a lot of weight. Also, he only had one shoe and was completely naked from the waist down. Mate, I could see everything)

When I say ‘Best Professional Wrestler’ your mind might immediately go to the most eye catching moves, the most spectacular flips, or the biggest personality, the physical fitness required to go 78 minutes with some Japanese guy called Colossal Yoshimoto in PWG back in 2009. Well, Punk in 2023 doesn’t have any of those things. But he’s still the best. He’s the best I’ve ever seen at talking a crowd into a match, on the mic he never sounded like he was reading copy or hitting lines from a script. He could convince you that he legitimately hated everyone. Maybe because he did, but that doesn’t change the fact. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a better public speaker, and there’s a reason that some sections of the Punk fanbase still seem like they’re in a cult. This wouldn’t mean as much, of course, if the match that he was talking you into was a dud. But he’s the best professional wrestler ever, remember? Not the best wrestler ever – and true technical masters like Sir Bret Hart must have to choke back vomit every time they see Punk attempt a elbow drop – the best professional wrestler. He was able to craft matches with drama, with legitimate emotion and compelling narratives that I don’t believe anyone else can match. And his technical sloppiness was always actually part of what makes him and his character (if they were ever truly distinct) so compelling. He never looked like a true, trained and athletically gifted wrestler, he was just some guy trying his absolute best to try and beat the living shit out of the other guy. Punk understood professional wrestling on a far deeper level than the physical, which suggests he still has many more years to give: he will always be able to compromise for whatever his body loses with age.

The best professional wrestling isn’t about technical proficiency or turning 360 eight times in the air while your opponent waits patiently to catch you and softly place you down on the floor. That’s the artifice of professional wrestling, and don’t get me wrong I love that too. But the true greats like Punk can go deeper than that, engage not just your eyes but your spleen, your emotions, your frontal cortex. It’s the most cliched take in the world, so I’m only going to whisper it, but in the case of Punk it’s the truth:

He makes it feel real.

You could make the argument that the drawn out demise that AEW is currently going through started because of the powerslam of negativity launched by Punk’s Brawl Out press conference. You could argue it began when Punk beat homegrown AEW ‘Main Character’ Adam Page for the AEW title, showing that, actually, the company wasn’t that much different from the rest and would gladly just move the title onto big names willing to come in. You could argue the demise began with Punk’s debut.

These all may be true, but without Punk there now the slow death seems near impossible to turn around. With Punk there, there’s always the chance that he cuts the killer promo that begins the turnaround. MJF is the closest wrestler they have, but no matter what he goes on to achieve there will always be that tinge of sadness that he never finished the trilogy with Punk. Punk was his greatest opponent by a long way. He is for most of the people he’s faced. True additions to the ‘GOAT’ conversations like Kenny Omega and the Young Bucks haven’t shown any inkling that they’re ready to step into the shadow left by Punk and truly grab hold of their own company to take it to the next level. Punk’s gone, guys, what’s holding you back now?

“Until there is somebody is this company that can fill these boots, they belong on my feet!”

And there’s also the fact that we will now never get Punk v Kenny Omega. Or Punk v the Young/Counterfeit Bucks. Or Punk v Hangman II. Or any number of money printing match-ups with the countless number of people that Punk has annoyed/slagged/punched IRL. He’s trying to run a fucking business here!

I kind of had to write this article today. I’m actually trying to evoke sod’s law by ensuring Punk himself ruins all 4000+ words by making his shock reappearance at AEW Full Gear tonight (not a chance in hell) or even – can you fucking imagine?? – at WWE Survivor Series next week (not a chance in hell. But… maybe…??? [EDIT: Holy fucking shit]), Come on, One Bil Phil, make me look like an idiot, I beg of you.

He’s a cunt. He’s a workplace hazard. He probably is a dressing room cancer. He probably did kill AEW.

Wrestling needs him.

Tell me when I’m telling lies.

(the main blog picture is from a great T-shirt by Switchshop)

[27/11/2018 EDIT. Fucking hell, it actually happened. I did this. He can make it a hat trick in 2024!! If he’s not sacked before January at least…]